Surprise and Discomfort No, these have nothing to do with Lent, Holy Week and Easter, either... (at least no in this context).

I'd forgotten how stressful job-hunting was. I sort of expect the lows, so the University Chaplaincy post I really wanted not even calling me for interview wasn't actually too bad once the self-set deadline for being summoned was overdue, and the slim letter to say "no thank you" was a pleasant bonus.

I'd forgotten how much I agonise over decisions, such as holding off until the last moment an application for a University Chaplaincy on the South Coast. Do I want it? Don't I want it? Is it worth it? Will I even get to interview? And so on.... Which meant that the surprise on being called for interviewis particularly uncomfortable . Part of me wants to write back to say "no, no, we've all made a horrible mistake. You didn't mean it and I'm not sure I want it!" Instead I've just about settled on a "go for interview and se what happens" policy. If they like me and I don't like them then I can always say "no".

And then there's the other possibilities and opportunites. The one in the small city in the Midlands for example, an "almost Team Vicar" post, very close to people we know, very close to my former stomping grounds, and a laudable challenge. Surely I should be looking to be challenged, shouldn't I? Excitement tinged with anxiety.

Or how much? I thought I could rise to the challenge of MLPK, but feel significantly bruised as a result, not to mention having to re-examine the criteria I call "success".

After all there's a nice Team Vicar job going just down the road. Same diocese even, so I know the ropes. I know the area. I could keep all my exisitng local contacts. It's even in a church that it sounds like one I'd choose to worship in. But then the inevitable question, "is that such a good thing?" I mean, it looks as if they're doing all the sorts of things I'd like to see in a parish, which is great - but what does it leave for me to do?

Well, I suppose I could actually care for the people, rather than trying to be the fisherman... Be surrounded by a loving and active congregation... Possibly even be comfortable, perish the thought!

So there you have it: One revolving cleric, a vicar in a spin. Blowing with the wind and generally feeling ragged as a result!

Seriously, if any dog-collared types do have any advice, I'd like to hear it. And your prayers are, of course, always welcome.

I almost wish a Bishop would actually be a little, well, directive, authoritarian almost. "You should go and look at...", but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?

(And now, having prevaricated, posted stuff I've been meaning to do for days, I need to prepare for a big meeting...)

Labels: Faith, Life

  ¶ 11:02 am