ME19four: life, faith and role-playing games
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Goodbye, my friend
Very tired this afternoon, and with lots to catch up on for tomorrow, but not so busy as to record a strange "first" and a reflection.
It's taken nearly seven years of ordained ministry to get here, but last night I had the privilege and sadness of helping some of my folks, my friends, see a member of their family, and our church family, slip away from this life and, all cliches aside, on to somewhere better.
I'd visited L just about every week for the past 15 months years (not to mention the weeks before, falling downstairs, or over the dog, or...) . Seen her struggle with the after-effects of her stroke. Laughed at her stories and reflections. Found my lap becoming her dog's best friend. And through it, always seen her faith, her smile and her laugh.
I'm grateful for my chance to read to her and pray with her yesterday afternoon, whether she could hear or not.
I was grateful for the phone call at 11.15, just as I was about to settle in.
And I was glad that even the silence and uncertainty that W, R and I shared together was helpful.
I will miss her, but I can rest in the knowledge that now she sees Jesus face to face where we can only see reflections and hints.
Spare a prayer for W & R and the family.
And goodbye, my friend.
It's taken nearly seven years of ordained ministry to get here, but last night I had the privilege and sadness of helping some of my folks, my friends, see a member of their family, and our church family, slip away from this life and, all cliches aside, on to somewhere better.
I'd visited L just about every week for the past 15 months years (not to mention the weeks before, falling downstairs, or over the dog, or...) . Seen her struggle with the after-effects of her stroke. Laughed at her stories and reflections. Found my lap becoming her dog's best friend. And through it, always seen her faith, her smile and her laugh.
I'm grateful for my chance to read to her and pray with her yesterday afternoon, whether she could hear or not.
I was grateful for the phone call at 11.15, just as I was about to settle in.
And I was glad that even the silence and uncertainty that W, R and I shared together was helpful.
I will miss her, but I can rest in the knowledge that now she sees Jesus face to face where we can only see reflections and hints.
Spare a prayer for W & R and the family.
And goodbye, my friend.
- Bring us, O Lord God, at our last awakening
- into the house and gate of heaven,
- to enter into that gate and dwell in that house
- where there shall be no darkness nor dazzling
- but one equal light;
- no noise nor silence, but one equal music;
- no fears nor hopes, but one equal possession,
- no ends nor beginnings, but one equal eternity
- in the habitations of thy glory and dominion.
- Amen
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Surprise and Discomfort
No, these have nothing to do with Lent, Holy Week and Easter, either... (at least no in this context).
I'd forgotten how stressful job-hunting was. I sort of expect the lows, so the University Chaplaincy post I really wanted not even calling me for interview wasn't actually too bad once the self-set deadline for being summoned was overdue, and the slim letter to say "no thank you" was a pleasant bonus.
I'd forgotten how much I agonise over decisions, such as holding off until the last moment an application for a University Chaplaincy on the South Coast. Do I want it? Don't I want it? Is it worth it? Will I even get to interview? And so on.... Which meant that the surprise on being called for interviewis particularly uncomfortable . Part of me wants to write back to say "no, no, we've all made a horrible mistake. You didn't mean it and I'm not sure I want it!" Instead I've just about settled on a "go for interview and se what happens" policy. If they like me and I don't like them then I can always say "no".
And then there's the other possibilities and opportunites. The one in the small city in the Midlands for example, an "almost Team Vicar" post, very close to people we know, very close to my former stomping grounds, and a laudable challenge. Surely I should be looking to be challenged, shouldn't I? Excitement tinged with anxiety.
Or how much? I thought I could rise to the challenge of MLPK, but feel significantly bruised as a result, not to mention having to re-examine the criteria I call "success".
After all there's a nice Team Vicar job going just down the road. Same diocese even, so I know the ropes. I know the area. I could keep all my exisitng local contacts. It's even in a church that it sounds like one I'd choose to worship in. But then the inevitable question, "is that such a good thing?" I mean, it looks as if they're doing all the sorts of things I'd like to see in a parish, which is great - but what does it leave for me to do?
Well, I suppose I could actually care for the people, rather than trying to be the fisherman... Be surrounded by a loving and active congregation... Possibly even be comfortable, perish the thought!
So there you have it: One revolving cleric, a vicar in a spin. Blowing with the wind and generally feeling ragged as a result!
Seriously, if any dog-collared types do have any advice, I'd like to hear it. And your prayers are, of course, always welcome.
I almost wish a Bishop would actually be a little, well, directive, authoritarian almost. "You should go and look at...", but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
(And now, havingprevaricated, posted stuff I've been meaning to do for days, I need to prepare for a big meeting...)
¶ 11:02 am 1 comments
I'd forgotten how stressful job-hunting was. I sort of expect the lows, so the University Chaplaincy post I really wanted not even calling me for interview wasn't actually too bad once the self-set deadline for being summoned was overdue, and the slim letter to say "no thank you" was a pleasant bonus.
I'd forgotten how much I agonise over decisions, such as holding off until the last moment an application for a University Chaplaincy on the South Coast. Do I want it? Don't I want it? Is it worth it? Will I even get to interview? And so on.... Which meant that the surprise on being called for interviewis particularly uncomfortable . Part of me wants to write back to say "no, no, we've all made a horrible mistake. You didn't mean it and I'm not sure I want it!" Instead I've just about settled on a "go for interview and se what happens" policy. If they like me and I don't like them then I can always say "no".
And then there's the other possibilities and opportunites. The one in the small city in the Midlands for example, an "almost Team Vicar" post, very close to people we know, very close to my former stomping grounds, and a laudable challenge. Surely I should be looking to be challenged, shouldn't I? Excitement tinged with anxiety.
Or how much? I thought I could rise to the challenge of MLPK, but feel significantly bruised as a result, not to mention having to re-examine the criteria I call "success".
After all there's a nice Team Vicar job going just down the road. Same diocese even, so I know the ropes. I know the area. I could keep all my exisitng local contacts. It's even in a church that it sounds like one I'd choose to worship in. But then the inevitable question, "is that such a good thing?" I mean, it looks as if they're doing all the sorts of things I'd like to see in a parish, which is great - but what does it leave for me to do?
Well, I suppose I could actually care for the people, rather than trying to be the fisherman... Be surrounded by a loving and active congregation... Possibly even be comfortable, perish the thought!
So there you have it: One revolving cleric, a vicar in a spin. Blowing with the wind and generally feeling ragged as a result!
Seriously, if any dog-collared types do have any advice, I'd like to hear it. And your prayers are, of course, always welcome.
I almost wish a Bishop would actually be a little, well, directive, authoritarian almost. "You should go and look at...", but that would be too easy, wouldn't it?
(And now, having
